"When Did We All Start Talking Like Valley Guys?'"

GQ, May 2014

Consider, just on a logistical level, what might happen if you started upspeaking some basic sentences. You should, um, avoid the bathroom for fifteen minutes? This could lead to a misunderstanding. I might take it as a mere suggestion, wander in there, and be sucker punched by a toxic wall of molecules. Or: I think that’s, like, too expensive? If you have a partner with “different ideas about money,” understand what she might do with this: treat you like the quavery schoolgirl you sound like and buy herself a fancy new bag. To put your plums in because you don’t need them anymore.
Photo by Peggy Sirota

Photo by Peggy Sirota